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From: Christina Peach Galarrita
Category: Philosophy of Love
Date: 20 Nov 2000
Contrary to the popular notion, love is not a feeling but a choice. Neither is it a passive experience that just happens to you nor is it a matter already predetermined by and written in the stars. If it were so, then nobody in the world would be divorced or live his whole life alone. Love is an opening of the heart decision. A decision to give a person a space in our lives. As my teacher used to say, " No one is ever so lovable that you cannot but love him ". We can love anybody in the whole world even if he is a person whom only a mother could love, if we only choose to. Independence characterizes genuine love.It aims for growth by fostering independence. The " I can't live without you by my side " is a crass notion of what love is supposed to be for it is somewhat like a parasitic relationship instead of a mutual one. Genuine love is when you or the person that you love is not necessary for the other's survival but choose to love because both of you find meaning and value in living life together. One's capability to love comes from self love. It is not the egoistic or narcissistic kind of love. But the kind of self love that you accept yourself as a person with imperfections but love yourself anyway and strive to make yourself as the best person you can ever be. For one cannot love if he has no to capability to love even himself. You can never teach a person how to read when you cannot even read. Love is not self sacrifice to the extent that you become a " martyr " for life. Love is a self-enlarging experience wherein you are developed to become the best person you can ever be by the one who loves you. Love is wanting the best for another person or for one's self and doing something to help the other or oneself realize his potentials. It is both an intention and an act with the precondition of seeing the person as a subject with potentialities not as a object which on can own. It is achieved by thinking of what you can give the person to help him realize his potentials not by thinking of what you can receive from the person or the relationship. But this kind of giving must be judicious so that the person you love will not be a spoiled brat but a person that has learned how to grow and how to love. " Love to be meaningful must be controlled.