PSYCHOLOGY CORNER
AMY L. CHAVES
Jan.
2, 2000
Guidance
is giving directions to the
lonely, confused, unloved, the suffering, the sick and the lost.
It is pointing to some possibilities
of thinking, feeling and acting. It is leading
the person psychologically, emotionally and even spiritually to some newer ways
of meaningful living. It is accompanying
those who are fearful and uncertain, those who
need someone along the rugged path of life’s journey.
DEFINITION: From an objective point of view, guidance is part and parcel of the counseling profession. It is called directive counseling. High school and even college students need guidance when they are unsure of what choices to make or what directions to take. The guidance counselor “opens up” a world of choices for these persons for them to choose from. It is like presenting the universe when all that a person sees is the lonely planet earth. The guidance counselor enlarges and widens the horizon of people who sees only a narrow path or a concealed view of that path. Thus, the focus is on possibilities and choices.
DISTINGUISHING
FEATURES: Usually,
guidance occurs in schools. High school and college students avail of guidance
and counseling services in their school. More
often, young people are unsure of what to do, how to react or respond, and how
to act in certain choices. When
this occurs, they need someone older, wiser and more experienced to show them
the way, to guide them. This is the
role of the guidance counselor—to extend assistance when necessary
to those who are confused, uncertain, and needing advice.
However, some adults may need guidance too.
There are certain moments in one’s life when some unresolved complexes
get in the way and the person may want advice or direction.
Thus, although guidance occurs more often in schools, it could also be
found among friends or circles of friends in the adult world and even formally,
in the counselor’s or therapist’s office.
EXPERIENCE:
Most of the guidance I received occurred
when I was in my high school and college years.
I was sometimes unsure. During
my high school years, I was uncertain of the following: should I get a part-time
job? Should I accept this suitor?
Should I allow my boyfriend to kiss me?
Should I go to the beach alone with my boyfriend?
During my college years: What course should I take?
Should I engage in pre-marital sex?
When should I get married? Should
I live with my mother or separate from her?
How many children should I have? How
should I relate with my in-laws? During
my early adulthood: How do I make sure that when I have a baby I can take good
care of him well? How could I
augment my income? How should I
deal with my mother’s over-protectiveness?
How should I respond to my husband’s jealousy?
How should I spend money and still live within or below my means?
The
guidance I give to my own children is invaluable although not perfect.
Now that they are adolescents I try to guide them whenever it is
necessary and when they ask for it. I have long abstained from dictating them or
controlling their behavior unlike when they were only small kids.
The kind of guidance I gave when they were small kids: “Don’t run
when you go down the stairs.” Or “You keep the remaining candies and eat
them after lunch.” Or “Tie your shoes this way.”
Or “Say good morning to your Grandma.”
The kind of guidance I gave when they were older, during their high
school days: “Be careful when
crossing the street.” Or
“Choose your friends with care.” Or “Come
early so you will have time to study and watch TV afterwards.” Or “Don’t
you think it’s too early to have a girlfriend?” Or “Why not save your
money instead of buying this thing?” Now
that I have a 21-year-old son, this is the kind of guidance I give: Nothing
unless I am absolutely sure he needs it or when he comes to me for advice.
I feel that I might be intruding into his life if I ask for an
unsolicited advice. There are some
instances though that I give him my unsolicited advice especially when it
concerns his health, like sleeping at 2:00 0’ clock in the morning to rush a
project. Or when it comes to his safety, like coming home at 10:00 0’ clock
almost every night after visiting his girlfriend. I found out that when you love a person, there are right
moments and the right way of being honest and frank without hurting their
feelings. But there are also times
when it is necessary to hurt a person’s feelings precisely because you love
him or her. That is still part of
guiding.
COUNSELING
DESCRIPTION:
Counseling is guiding and more.
It is a way of healing hurts.
It is both a science and an art.
It is a science because to offer counsel, advice or assistance, the counselor
must have the knowledge of the basic principles and techniques of
counseling.
The counselor must be able to use any of these basic principles and
techniques as paradigms in order for him to counsel well.
However, it is not enough to use know these basic principles and
techniques. The other important
aspect is for the counselor to know how to counsel—the
art of counseling. This aspect
considers counseling as a relationship, as a sharing of life, in the
hope that the person who is hurting will be healed.
As a relationship, counseling involves the physical, emotional, and
psychical or spiritual dimensions. The
counselor must have the ability to relate to the counselee in an appropriate physical
manner without being too intimate or too close
for comfort or being too distant or aloof.
The emotional dimension in counseling includes empathy,
sensitivity and the ability to interpret
non-verbal clues of the counselee in order to
understand unresolved complexes or pent-up feelings.
The psychical or spiritual dimension embraces the counselee’s “soul-content”---what
lies inside. This is what is called the
interiority of the person. The counselor
must have the gift or grace of catching a glimpse of the interior world of the
person, particularly his spiritual condition, for this is very important in
healing the person’s hurts.
DEFINITION:
Counseling is a relatively short-term relationship, characterized by an
interpersonal relationship between the counselor and the counselee. It is theory-based,
handled professionally by trained people, guided by ethical and legal
standards that focus on helping or giving
care to people who need to resolve developmental and situational problems.
Counseling
focuses on making important changes in one’s thinking, feeling and
behaving.
It is a more than guiding because it aggressively promotes making
changes in the counselee’s life-style. It
may even entail a “paradigm-shift”
when warranted. It is generally short-term
and the main goal is the resolution of problems. It deals with normal
people having normal problems.
DISTINGUISHING
FEATURES:
Counseling is an active listening.
Although considered as a noble yet thankless profession, it deals with making
important changes in the intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual aspects
of the counselee through a process
philosophy. As a process, it encompasses
exploration, goal setting and action to facilitate new ways of behaving,
thinking and feeling. Counselors believe that clients are not sick,
just stuck.
EXPERIENCE:
At different instances, I was counselee
and counselor. As a counselee my main problem was my feelings—how to deal
with it such that it will not control me. I
think I was better off when I was in high school and in college that when I
became an adult. When I was
younger—from 14 to 19 years old my problems were lighter.
They were not actually lighter but during that time they were lighter to
me. Now that I am in my middle
adult years, my problems seem bigger. It
is probably because I know a lot better now—so I have a better grasp of the
nature of the problem. In this
sense, the problems are heavier. Thus,
as a counselee these days, I also need a counselor who is even much wiser, more
experienced, and skilled in dealings with problems of middle years.
That is why I cannot readily open myself with just anybody.
I’d rather enjoy with them or enjoy the camaraderie than burst open my
vulnerable self. I feel like I am in an enclosed cocoon, alone and solitary.
Since I am 43, I am supposed to be independent so I act like one.
But deep down I want to be taken cared of.
So I seem to put up the air of autonomy although I really want to cling.
But as the song goes…”Who can I turn to, when nobody needs me?”
That means I am forced to be strong and courageous because there is no
one more strong and courageous around.
As
a counselor, I am approachable. I
am warm and empathic. Most people
who come to me are students who have problems with their interpersonal
relationships. I see their problems as small compared to mine.
Some are married people whose husband or wives are having affairs.
Why is this the case? There
seems to be an epidemic among married people of needing other people aside from
their spouses, of the need to have affairs.
Perhaps there are many reasons but I am learning a lot as a counselor
about human nature than what I get from reading about it in philosophy books. The more I listen, the more I understand what I have been
teaching my students about the nature of the human person—complex but worthy
nonetheless.
http://amychaves.bizland.com/articles/guidance.htm